Dear Internet

I know we’ve had our problems, but I think it’s time we hashed some things out. When we first hooked up, I gotta be honest, it was weird. I mean, you were taking me places I’d never gone before, showing me things I’d never seen before…It was all very surreal. We took it slow back then, which was fine, but eventually the pace picked up. Then I noticed you started acting differently. A “mashup” here, a social network there…and then this whole “Web 2.0” thing. I mean, I can get used to all that, I guess, but really, I’ve only got one question for you:

Why haven’t you made me rich yet?

I mean, I’ve been there since day one. I never asked for anything during that time. I let you grow and gave you your space. Look at you now. You’re doing things nobody ever thought you would be capable of. And the whole time I supported you.

When you wanted to branch out to mobile devices, yeah,I was skeptical, but I still had your back. When you decided to get into streaming video and TV, sure, I thought the crowd was a bit rough, but I didn’t say anything. And shit, Internet, I’ve been there for every goddamn meme, every “All Your Base” and 1-picture-a-day bullshit you’ve thrown at me. I didn’t leave, despite all that.

All I ask is that you share some of the wealth you’re throwin’ around to everyone else online with half a shitty idea. You’ve obviously got money to burn. I mean, hell, if the guys who made Twitter can feed themselves, then I know there’s room for me on this money train!

I know you’ll probably blow this letter off, and don’t worry, I’ll still hang out with you, but seriously, it’d be so much cooler if you could slide some cash my way.

Love,

Willtuck

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~ by willtuck on August 1, 2007.

2 Responses to “Dear Internet”

  1. Awesome. I laughed heartily.

  2. Dear Willtuck,

    I remember the beginning. I’m fairly sure you were not there.

    Al Gore

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